You’ve been sorely missed and disregarded at once. I acknowledge my absence but can’t apologize. I only regret that I haven’t; had more to say, engaged those near me, been stronger, or been able to move fast enough to keep up with all my expectations and some of yours.
I catch myself leaning more and more towards introversion. Growing inward isn’t deterred by my privilege or noise that continues to build all around me. Honestly it feels like there is enough noise being generated by white men right now. The noise has been overwhelming, parsing what is real, what needs to be said that hasn’t already been shouted, being caught in my noise, or where my voice can contribute instead of adding more nonsense.
What I have said has been on a digital shelf gathering dust while I charge down another path discovering new familial beginnings and navigating ephemeral digital ecommerce building blocks.
I’ve rarely paused in 2017 and that has been my biggest regret. In the many pauses is where I have found my past inspiration.
While life hasn’t been as expected lately, it has not been a year of regrets. My optimism has been challenged this year. It's remained in conflict with my unforgiving personal critic, but there are a few things that stand out:
- Committing to my partner for life after 4 years together. I've already learned so much about living and sharing life in such a short time. Stronger as one.
- Starting a challenging, interesting position at a local tech company called Amazon. I've learned so much here about collaboration, how to solve problems and what leadership can be.
- Spending more time away from music than I had expected. While I've done a few writing sessions, songwriting sync camp and shows, it's been years since I've been this removed from my music career. The break has given me a chance to miss music, reset who I am, and come back with fresh ideas.
- Finalizing a new record with one of my favorite collaborators and artists, Budo. It was a new process taking a year to intermittently get together for writing/recording sessions simultaneously -- then another year to let it sit before coming back from our other commitments to mold and revise.
The shift from music to tech, out of necessity, is partially a shared journey with the city of Seattle. Not claiming music is dead in Seattle. Far from it. The output of local arts mediums and artists prove that music is alive and well. Musicians have also gone other places -- moving to suburbs, adjoining towns or music cities like LA and Nashville. I think music is alive in Seattle, but proportionally overshadowed by the growing presence tech companies have in Seattle. While it’s hard to zoom out and understand the full positive and negative effects of this part of Seattle’s transitioning identity, it’s clear there is a difference in the city now vs. the city I used to know. I sometimes feel like I'm in the middle of a teeter totter, balancing between my renewed life as a tech marketer and Seattle songwriter/performer.
While a “break” from music was difficult and just what I needed, I didn’t expect it to stay away this long or be so absent from my routine.
I’ve poured myself into work as an excuse for my introversion, to try my hand at storytelling through a different medium, to prove I could succeed at something adversely different to music. Another part of my workaholic nature, as much as I don’t like to admit it, is a denial towards what's been happening around us over the past few years. The scientific proof that their is an expiration for earth, the growing civil unrest within pockets of our culture, the direction that America's 'leadership' has taken and how they represent our country to the world. It's incredibly scary. What a strange path our world is on.
This is my attempt at popping my head up to say hello, reflect on the year, and share where I have been. I’m still solving for what I am resolving to do with the coming year, but I remain hopeful in what people can do and I am thankful for this incredibly extreme year.
Oh and I am sharing new music soon. Hints at what’s coming here.